


Outspoken Sincerity

by SensationalSunburst



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Family Feels, M/M, Nicky Centric, Nicky Wants His Boys to Be Happy, Nicky is trying his best, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 11:13:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16491479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SensationalSunburst/pseuds/SensationalSunburst
Summary: “You’ve spent a long time taking care of them, Nicky, it’s alright to still be concerned about them.” Bee said.“I know,” Nicky said, “I always worry. They’re doing better, I think, but I just want them to be happy, you know? They deserve to be happy.”“Have you told them how you feel?”Nicky laughed out loud, startled by the idea.“That’d go over well.” He snorted.





	Outspoken Sincerity

“How are you, Nicky?”

Nicky loved Bee’s office. It was so bright and warm, even though it was so minimally decorated. He liked sitting across from Bee, curling up on her couch with a strong cup of tea.

He liked his stolen hour with her even though he knew that she was really Andrew’s. But his biweekly sessions helped settle him, especially now that graduation was racing towards him.

“I’m-” He smiled, a bad habit when he was uncomfortable and something he’d said he wouldn’t do in the confidence of her office, “I’m a little stressed.”

She nodded and took a sip of her own tea, settling back in her chair. She was waiting for him to collect his thoughts, patient as always, her notepad resting in her lap. She never rushed him, never judged. She was never upset; just a calm, steady presence in a thick cardigan, regardless of the weather.

“We’re going to Columbia this weekend,” he said, “But Andrew just- I mean, he _told_ us we were going. That’s- that’s normal, that’s usually how it goes, right? But I just thought about it when I was trying to sleep and it just made me think about everything.”

“Can you describe ‘everything?’” Bee asked.

“Just-” Nicky took a deep breath and shifted, swinging his legs up and around to the other side. He glanced at the clock and sighed inwardly, relieved to find that they still had plenty of time. “School and the twins and the entire like, last year and a half? Neil and, God, _everything_ about that. It just feels sometimes like… like everything has been out of control for so long.” He took a long drag of tea and then set the mug aside to hug his knees to his chest.

“I had no plans to stay here for as long as I have, you know? I’d never even heard of Palmetto State until I found out that’s where I’d be going, and it wasn’t like I could even refuse, right? Someone still has to at least attempt to keep an eye on them, but-”

“Nicky.” Bee said, her tone was firm, but not angry and he stopped, reviewing his ramblings.

“Sor-” He bit back the instinctive apology, knowing that wasn’t what Bee intended, “I know the twins are capable of taking care of themselves. I’m not responsible for anyone’s actions or emotions besides my own.”

“You’ve spent a long time taking care of them, Nicky, it’s alright to still be concerned about them.” Bee said.

“I know,” Nicky said, “I always worry. They’re doing better, I think, but I just want them to be happy, you know? They deserve to be happy.”

“Have you told them how you feel?”

Nicky laughed out loud, startled by the idea.

“That’d go over well.” He said, shaking his head.

“You care very deeply for the people you love, Nicky, that’s very good. I think it would be good for you to tell them. I would caution however, in deference to everyone’s sensitivities, that you make sure to say it when it can’t be misinterpreted as insincere. It’d be easy to use humor if it wasn’t successful, right? Instead, make sure that it cannot be interpreted as a joke. ”

“I- uh, I’ll try.” Nicky said.

Bee nodded and smiled, satisfied.

“How is Erik?”

Nicky smiled, “Amazing.”

 

* * *

  


Neil had taken up baking.

Nicky wasn’t quite sure when it’d happened, but seemingly between one week and the next Neil was cranking out strange, but delicious versions of classic baked goods.

Chocolate chip cookies made with whole wheat flour and crushed dates.

Brownies made with black beans or zucchini or applesauce, or a bastardized amalgamation of all three.

It was apparently an attempt to satisfy both Kevin and Andrew and although some of his experiments were so bad that Nicky was pretty sure the rabid raccoons that lived behind the tower’s dumpsters wouldn’t touch it, they both always tried whatever he made.

Always.

So when Neil looked up from his flour covered laptop to ask the room at large what the fuck cocoa nibs were, Nicky was struck by inspiration.

 

One skype call and one week later when Neil was pulling out the ingredients to make oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, Nicky leapt to his feet, almost upsetting the table that he, Andrew and Aaron were studying at, eliciting a hiss from Aaron.

“Wait! Neil, I have a present!” He said.

Neil was visibly confused as Nicky darted out of the room, frozen holding a bag of generic chocolate chips. He was in the same position when Nicky returned, breathless from both his sprint and his excitement.

“Don’t use those,” He said, taking the generic chocolate chips from Neil. Neil let them go easily, allowing the bag to slip from his scarred fingers as he sent a startled look over at Andrew and Aaron, clearly expecting them to have an answer. “Use these!”

With a flourish and a whistled fanfare that Neil recognized from a video game Matt had been playing for weeks, Nicky drew a large white baggie from behind his back and presented it to Neil. The couch creaked as Andrew used it to climb to his feet, following Aaron over to investigate. Nicky automatically shifted to allow them to circle up.

“Is- This is German chocolate.” Neil said, “I- Nicky this is _really_ good German chocolate. Where did you get it? Why-? It’s nowhere near my birthday.”

“It’s almost our birthday.” Andrew said, head tilted to the side. His expression was bland, but his eyes were slightly narrowed as he sized Nicky up. It was, he thought, one of the only expressions Aaron shared with Andrew.

“Yeah,” Nicky said, suddenly nervous, “Yeah, exactly. It’s almost y’all’s birthday and I figured that Neil would probably be baking and if he was baking and it was for a special occasion that he should get to use the good stuff! I had Erik send me some over, he’s jealous of us these days you know-”

“Why?” Aaron interrupted. He crossed his arms over his chest and glanced over at the bag Neil was holding carefully cradled between his palms.

“Because-” Nicky smiled, “Because you deserve nice things.”

Aaron immediately scoffed and turned on his heel to all but throw himself back at the coffee table.  Andrew expression flickered. Nicky didn’t know what it meant, but it was there and gone in a flash, a single wrinkle between his eyebrows and a slight pursing of his lips that Neil seemed to know, if the softening of his own expression was anything to go by.

“Thank you, Nicky.” Neil said, and then he blessed Nicky with one of his rare, soft smiles. The kind that lit up his face in a completely different hue than the fierce all teeth grin he wore after a win or the modelesque facsimile of a smile that he threw at the press. This smile, that brightened his already ridiculously bright eyes and pulled on the knife scars on his cheek was exactly what Nicky would point to when people asked what Andrew could ever be attracted to.

Neil was _devastating._

“There’s more where that came from, just let me know. You got the Hemmick hookup now.” Nicky laughed and left Andrew and Neil in the kitchen, smiling when Andrew immediately tore open the package to dig out a handful of chocolate from inside.

  


* * *

 

Nicky liked to think of himself as a non-threatening kind of guy. Nobody he knew would consider him scrappy -bitchy, maybe- but he was about as non-violent as a labrador on most days.

But most days weren't game days.

On the court, opposing teams didn’t know him, maybe they knew  _of him,_ sure, but they didn’t _know_ him. They flinched when he stormed up the court, using the full length of his legs to attempt to keep up with the strikers. They fell when he threw his full weight into them, skidding across the floor as he stole the ball and chucked it to Kevin.

It was a nice change in pace when he was given the opportunity to show his teeth, grinning with the sort of ferocity that was usually better suited for Neil.

Kevin flew up the court, playing a game of keep away with Neil who matched him step for step. Nicky was fast, but he knew he couldn’t keep up, especially as he was thrown off his feet from behind, sprawling to the court floor and only keeping hold of his racquet because he gripped it in surprise.

Above him, the game clock was counting down the final seconds of the game and he snapped his eyes to it when it lit up, a Fox goal, with three seconds left. The crowd roared and Matt was suddenly beside him, hauling him to his feet.

“We won! We won! Good fucking game, Hemmick! Yes! Yes! That's the semi-finals!”

The court door was wrenched open and the Vixens were swarming the them, Wymack following behind after being shoved aside by the hurricane of orange. One blonde peeled off from the group of screaming cheerleaders, beelining for Aaron. He ripped off his helmet and stepped forward to meet her as she leapt at him, latching her legs around his waist and throwing her head back to cheer at the plastic ceiling. Aaron, just as strong as Andrew, easily held her aloft, staring up at her with open adoration as he spun them in a circle to the soundtrack of her squad’s long, drawn out ‘Aw!’

Nicky looked for Andrew next and found him, as predicted, forehead to forehead with Neil. They had their helmets on, but they were staring each other down with the kind of expression that rendered the plastic and inches between them utterly meaningless. Anyone with eyes could see the hearts in Neil’s but only years of practice allowed Nicky to see the mirror of that look in Andrew’s face. It was in the tiny upturn at the corner of his mouth, the slight crinkle around his eyes. It was the feather light touch to the small of Neil’s back as they made their way to the huddle in the center of the court and in how Andrew made sure that his hand at the top of the pile, heavy over Neil’s despite the effort he had to put in to throw his arm up as they shouted their customary “Foxes!”

“Are you alright, Nicky?” Renee asked. She was at his elbow as they filed up the court, looking up at him through her eyelashes as she pulled her sweat soaked rainbow hair into a loose bun. “That hit was pretty hard and you’re breathing a little funny.”

Nicky smiled, forcing out a laugh. He didn’t know how to say that he was so happy that he felt like he was choking, that watching his twins heal was literally giving him life.

“I’m okay,” He said, slinging an arm around her shoulder. She wrapped her arm around his waist and squeezed, “I’m just happy.”

 

Hours later and the party to celebrate their entrance to the semi-finals was in full swing in the basement of the tower. Nicky had spent most of the evening flitting back and forth between the room where the majority of the Vixens were crushing at beer pong to a soundtrack of heavy bass and the quieter room where some of the Foxes were lounging.

Katelyn was perched in Aaron’s lap in the room’s only lounge chair, chatting quietly amongst themselves. He had one hand wrapped around her waist and the other on her thigh, casually affectionate in a way that Nicky would have once thought impossible.

Neil was seated on the floor, leaning against one of Andrew’s legs, Andrew’s other leg was curled underneath him as he watched over the room with a sense of quiet detachment, uncaring of the rise and fall of Kevin’s volume as he and Neil argued about the game.

Nicky knew a sure fire way to break the easy peace of the moment would be to stare, as both twins seemed to have a sixth sense for eyes on them, so he cleanly swept into the room, a little tipsier than he intended on being and collapsed gracefully into a bean bag pair across from the couch. Andrew’s gaze sharpened, the lights coming on as he zoned back in to run his eyes over Nicky, head to toe in a status check that he barely noticed anymore. Nicky smiled and raised his glass, managing to earn an eyeroll.

“I don’t know why you’re so obsessed-” Neil sighed, thunking his head back against Andrew’s knee as Kevin leaned forward, swaying slightly.

“-tell me I’m wrong, mathematician, the physics works out, just use a heavier racquet-”

“Fuck you, speed over power.”

“What are you smiling about.” Aaron said. It took Nicky a moment to realize the comment was aimed at him. He blinked and found that Kevin had left the room, leaving Neil, Andrew, Aaron and Katelyn staring at him. He took a breath, a ready response primed but faltered as Bee’s advice rang out in his head. He clumsily scooted forward to the edge of the beanbag so he could sit up straight.

“I’m happy for you.” He said, “For both of you... well, you too Neil. You’re family too.”

“What?” The ‘fuck are you talking about,’ went unsaid, but even through the heady buzz in his veins, it was clear. But with Katelyn in his lap, Aaron’s teeth were duller, his claws fully sheathed.

“I’m just happy for you,” Nicky repeated, a little helplessly, “Y’all all doing great. Just, it’s good now.” He swallowed the words ‘I’m proud,’ stuttering over the ‘p,’ as their recovery had nothing to do with him, not really. “It’s _better_ , we’re all doing better and you’ve both found someone, and I love you, so that makes me happy. Y’all deserve to be happy.”

He realized that the trouble he was having seeing their expressions was due to the tears gathering in his eyes. He tilted his head to the ceiling, both to avoid having to look at their faces and the disapproval he knew he'd find there and to blink his tears back. He'd said it though, he's gotten it out there in the ether where the sentiment belonged, even if they didn't believe him. Bee at least, would be proud.

“That's so sweet, Nicky!” Katelyn cooed,”I love you, too!”

“Are we that drunk already, really?” Allison drawled  from the doorway.

“No, of course not, I'm not an amateur.” Nicky replied. He slipped into flippancy, wrapping a smile and a laugh around himself as he unfolded from the beanbag and climbed to his feet. He dared not risk a glance at the twins and instead swept toward Allison, arms extended wide in a bow.

“But I leave the stage to you, my prince awaits my call.”

He slipped from the room, out through the hall and up the stairs to his own room mostly unnoticed. A few Vixens called out to him as he left, trying to coax him into their game of beer pong, but he knew a suckers bet when he saw one. That and he really did want to talk to Erik. It was late -maybe even very early- in Germany, but he knew that Erik would always answer.

Nicky headed to the shower first, suddenly desperate to wash away the feel of the basement party and it’s gritty, sticky floor.

He took his time, basking in the just shy of scaling water before drying off and changing into his fluffiest pajamas. A craving for tea brought him to the kitchen and he flicked on the light, rubbing sudden exhaustion from his eyes.

“Nicky.”

Nicky was not ashamed of the noise he made when Andrew spoke up from behind him, seated at the counter of the dorm kitchenette. Somehow, Nicky had managed to walk right past him and hadn’t noticed his cousin, dressed in all black, lurking in the darkness.

“Fuck! You scared the shit out of me!” Nicky gasped, leaning heavily against the counter.

Andrew’s expression didn’t change as he leaned forward on the counter.

“Speak.” He said.

“What?”

“Talk. Explain what the fuck is wrong with you.”

“Nothing!” Nicky said immediately, hands up in surrender, “Nothing!”

“Your deal is not over.” Andrew said.

Nicky squinted, “I know.”

“Then why,” Andrew said through his teeth, “are you acting like you’re leaving.”

“I-” Nicky paused, thrown. “I’m not? I was just being honest-”

“Obviously,” Andrew interrupted with slash of his hand through the air, “You’re an awful liar.”

“It’s important!” Nicky said with enough force to surprise both himself and apparently Andrew, if the subtle widening of his eyes was anything to judge by. “It’s important to say it, to let people know. I know you and Aaron can take care of yourselves, I know that, I know, but I’m leaving next year! I’m _leaving_ and we won’t be together and I was _worried_ , okay? But I’m not anymore and it makes me so happy I could cry. I have cried. You can take care of yourself but seeing y’all _with_ someone?” He put both hands over his heart and pressed against his chest, knowing he was messing it all up, that he wasn’t making sense. It’d be easier, he thought, if he could just hug him.

“You’ve been talking to Bee.” Andrew said, leaning back. Tension Nicky hadn’t noticed bled from Andrew’s shoulders and he into the chair, once again the picture of nonchalance.

“Uh.” Nicky said, “Yeah.”

Andrew stood, inhaling as if to sigh, but he held it in as he pushed his chair back and dropped the half foot to the floor. For a long moment, he stared Nicky down, hazel eyes inscrutable before he abruptly turned and made his way to the door.

“Go to bed, Nicky.”

“Uh,” Nicky said, “Yeah.”

“And quit saying all that weird shit like we don’t already know; you’re not subtle.”

Andrew had paused in the doorway, one hand on the door frame as he looked over his shoulder at where Nicky stood frozen, hands still pressed over his chest. He could feel his lips pulling into a smile.

“Subtly is for chumps.” Nicky said.

“Go the fuck to sleep.”

**Author's Note:**

> Alt.  
> Andrew: Stop saying weird shit all the to.e  
> Nicky: ok  
> Andrew: ok, good. How'd you sleep?  
> Nicky: I don't sleep, I only dream


End file.
